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Sanity Savers
By Kate Goggin
I USED to write and publish an online newsletter for expatriates. Titled "The Art of International Living" it was by, for, and about the mobile global lifestyle. As editor, I received weekly praise from readers saying, "Thank you for your honesty; no one ever told me international life would be like this!"
It's true. Employers are a bit reluctant to mention the real lowdown of moving for fear you might just jump ship. So in the interest of honesty, I share with you a few tips gathered from my former readers and current sources. Wherever you are moving this year, this advice will help you keep your sanity.
1. It won't be easy.
Even if you have a supportive human resources department, a supportive spouse and realistic expectations--every move presents different challenges. Know that in the end you will have to solve your own problems regarding adjustment and you will be stronger for it.
2. Be open.
Otherwise the posting will feel like a bad camping trip and Sunday never comes.
3. If it didn't work here, it won't work there.
I'm not just talking about appliances! Marital problems, social shortcomings, inability to understand others, whatever you're experiencing now will not disappear with a change in geographic location. Don't take an international assignment to solve a personal problem. It is a recipe for disaster.
4. Give yourself at least six months to adjust to living in a new culture.
Lighten up on the immediate job hunt. You'll never feel comfortable working there if you haven't given yourself a chance to enjoy living there. Take day trips and ride the tram/bus/train from end to end once a week. This will give you a great overview of specific regions while always returning you to your point of origin. It's a great low cost way to take your own private orientation tour.
5. Invest in the best communications devices and services.
Initiating and maintaining communications may be the single most important investment you can make personally and professionally. Invest in a computer (with internet access) for your chance to work online from a remote destination or to keep in touch with family and friends; a fax is also helpful for online work as well as sending those important bank and tax documents instead of waiting for the international mail system; a camcorder and video cassette player can make a world of difference in feeling included at "virtual" family gatherings (this is especially recommended for allowing children to stay in touch with distant grandparents). Don't scrimp when buying these items; they can be lifelines on a regular basis.
6. Create a "perspective" tool kit.
The toughest part of an overseas assignment is not when you can't find your favorite foods at the local market or read the street signs or speak the language. All of those things will work out with time. The toughest part is when you become so immersed in "foreignness" that you loose perspective and feel you've lost control of your life. When "nothing seems to be going right," it's time to step back and breathe deeply. What helps you? Prayer, exercise, socializing, shopping or calling an old friend to vent? Combine a few of these to create your perspective tool kit and don't leave home without it.
7. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Something always gets broken during shipping, designated housing is always smaller than the photos they sent you ahead of time, and the food, water and neighborhood will always smell funny for a while. Know that you can't transplant your current lifestyle into a new culture no matter how hard you try.
8. Get connected and drop the bravado.
Save your judgments about people for later. Whether you consider yourself a "joiner" or not, benefit from group connections right away. In just about every location, there are established groups of people who have lived in-country longer than you have. Even if you feel you don't fit in immediately, take advantage of the shared knowledge out there. Don't try to go it alone.
9. Live in the here and now.
Give up on comparisons to your last posting and embrace the new. Those around you will only let you whine once about "how it was in..." After that, your audience will slim and you'll find yourself at home alone looking at old photos. Try to live in the present and soak up as much about your new culture as possible. The more you absorb, the more pleasant your posting will be.
10. Just about everything can be put off 'til tomorrow.
Medical emergencies aside, when everything in your new location is screaming unpack me now, move me now, connect me now, remember it can usually wait. It may be more important to have tea with your new neighbor or take a stroll to find the closest playground. Remember the inanimate objects will remain so, and you may not get another chance to make a new friend.
© 2003, Kate Goggin
Kate Goggin is a Foreign Service spouse (FAS) and freelance writer. Currently living in Northern Virginia, she is available for short and long term writing assignments. Visit her website at http://www.kategoggin.com.